Do I Make a Left or a Right?

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I just inhaled the last Christmas sugar cookie loaded with sugary icing. I am sitting here thinking, did I really want that cookie?  Sigh, it’s definitely stress talking.  Am I stressed out about the holidays?  Ho, ho…no!  You see I am trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up?  How did I end up in the midst of a career crisis now?  I have almost a half of century of uninterrupted blissful fate with a progressive and purposeful career.  Suddenly, I am faced with a dilemma standing at the stark crossroads of my life.  Trying to figure which direction do I turn this time? I am sure this isn’t making any sense.  Let me start at the beginning.

I was born with a very inquisitive nature and a competitive streak.  I also had a personality of a go-getter with a touch of superhero complex.  Yes, I was going to save the world, or at least my little corner of it.  Of course, with guidance, education and training; my complex was appropriately channeled into a 25 years plus advocacy and human service career.  (Thank goodness.)  I knew from the age of five what I wanted to do with my life.

Regardless of the challenges I faced as a deaf professional, I was quite clear of the path and purpose of my career.  I was a happy and productive deaf professional.  I even ambitiously proceeded to get my advanced degrees and licensure.  I hung my shingle with a private practice; created some awesome programs and became an executive for nonprofit organization.  I had many other work experiences that enhanced my career.  My career took off and I was in demand.  I got a few promotions.  Life was good.

After a few years, the organization had changed its vision and mission.  Suddenly, my values didn’t quite match the organization’s change.  This created such disequilibrium in the flow of my destiny and life’s purpose.  It was time to part our ways.  I am now suddenly out of a job.  I have always worked.  I worked nonstop since I was 15 years old.  The first month was an opportunity to get used to the idea of not working for the organization after more than 10 years. The second month was to take the time to organize and ready myself for my new career.  The third month…the fourth month came along…I realized, “okay, I need to do something differently because I don’t see anything happening in my new path.”  After the fifth month, the applications were rejected.  By the sixth month, stress is mounting!  I have bills to pay, food to put on the table and gas tanks to fill up.  I need to survive.

I just realized that for the last six months I have been nagging my 17-year-old son, Noah, to finish his college applications and to decide a college major he may be interested in… at least in the ballpark area. He does not know. I can imagine he is feeling the stress himself.  Ironically, we are both on the cusp of trying to make a life decision and its scaring the hell out of us.   Here we are at the ages of 17 and 49; we were more alike than not.

I am trying to figure ways to stay positive and to avoid bingeing on holiday cookies.  I needed to become inspired by my new “career path.”.  There is that delicate balance of “there are jobs out there you can do” or “this is a passion of mine that I have dreamt about for years.  I want to build my business, LeVo.  It would be the ultimate accomplishment for me.”   On the flip side, one brings a paycheck home regularly and the other… well, there is no guarantee.  Okay.  (Whistling…) Now, this is the time; I am waiting for destiny to fall into my lap.  Ummm… anytime now?  I am over here…. Yoo hoo!  Not happening?  I have to figure this out for myself?  Ugh…. where is that cookie now?

No seriously, I am digging deep within myself and identifying my fears.  I am discovering new things about myself.  I am purposefully removing the obstacles, distractions and pessimism.  I am taking a stand to support my dreams and to trust myself to design my path this time around.  I have never doubted my skills and abilities.  I have always been in charge of my own journey.  This is indeed a true test of faith!  I believe in myself.  As for Noah, he has narrowed down to few great career ideas!  It is one step in the right direction.  Soon, it will all become clearer!

(This blog piece was inspired by a midnight cookie snack rendezvous with my son, Noah.)
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2 comments to Do I Make a Left or a Right?

  • Christy

    You are an amazing person, and you have so much to offer. While sometimes we don’t understand why our paths seem lead us into a pit, your faith and determination will find a way to bigger and better things. Keep your head up, focus on yourself and your family.. and something amazing will happen! Love you so much! Your little sister :)

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